Monthly Archives: January 2013

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This post resonates with me on so many levels. It’s helping me heal in a time of uncertainty so I hope it does the same for you.

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Addicted to Distractions?

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Addicted to Distractions?

This is going to hurt…

Another day gone, wasted away pointlessly browsing the web, obsessively checking my email, and letting my mind run on auto pilot all day. I understand the word addiction is a strong one, but I assure you it’s the right word.

Typing this is painful. The shame and guilt that go along with the word addiction feel strong enough to swallow me whole.
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Way To Go Wednesday!

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Way To Go Wednesday!

  I ‘ve reread my last post a few times since posting it and I instantly felt all of the negativity and frustration climbing out of my screen and back into my being. I’m glad I wrote the post, it helped me release, but I want to do a little soul uplifting today so I dub today “Way to go Wednesday”! 

Way to go Wednesday is just a quick list of the things I’m doing right. I’ve already admitted that I tend to be my harshest critic so in the spirit of change and enlightenment….

This is Why I’m Hot:
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My Turtle Shell

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It’s been an eventful week consisting of two emergency room visits and a three-day hospital stay for my dear husband Jae. They say you don’t know how strong you are until being strong is your only option, and in this case it was true. As one half of my heart walked past the emergency room doors, the other half, EJ, was in my arms. I wished for the super power of being able to be in two places at once but it never came. Jae was released a few hours later only to have to drive himself to the hospital at 5 am after being jolted awake by his severe abdominal pain. He was admitted later that day. I beat myself up all day for not having a village yet because my soul mate was alone in a hospital bed while I had to stay home with EJ. 
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Searching For My Village

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    Although I’m not too keen on labels (I explain why here), sometimes they make things easier to explain. When it comes to my parenting style I really just follow my instincts and try whatever works for me. Surprisingly what works for me seems to work for others as well and there’s even a label for it: Attachment Parenting or AP for short! I don’t call myself an attachment parent but once I read over their eight principles I noticed I was already striving to adopt them into our lives. 

   Anywhoozle, the reason I bored you with that precious info is because I think I’m not alone in sometimes throwing my hands up in the air and incoherently wondering “Why is this so hard?!” If we follow our instincts and there’s even studies to suggest we’re not entirely crazy for co-sleeping and breastfeeding into toddlerhood, then how come sometimes I just want to lock my boobs away and fantasize about sleeping alone in the guest room so I can get my first full nights sleep in almost two years? There has to be a missing piece to this pie right? Well, in a moment of either sheer genius or sleep-deprived induced insanity I found that missing pie piece and ate it! 
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Dear Self,

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Dear Self,

They should warn you that when you start a blog the thoughts in your head become like the last few Cheerios in a bowl full of milk. You’ll chase those suckers around with your spoon, but they’ll continuously evade you with their super ninja skills. So as I’m scrambling together my Cheerios..er, thoughts I feel a block. I’m looking for my next post in the future (the changes I want to make) and the past (the issues and intimacies of my messed up head) but true to the nature of this blog, the present moment is where the goodies are. In the NOW, I feel there is one important thing I need to do before I proceed. Please allow me to address this issue in a letter to myself.

Dear Self,
I forgive you. Your harsh words and judgements have hurt me, but I forgive you Self. I understand a little bit better now that the way you talk to me is the way you’ve allowed others to talk to you in the past. It’s a cycle, and although I forgive you, I no longer want to participate in or perpetuate this cycle. Self, you are powerful and magnificent and together we can be the stars of our own movie. I can sense your fear but don’t let it consume you. Face it Self, you’re pretty damn powerful, but don’t be afraid of your own power and embrace it instead!
From this moment, I will no longer hear you when you tell me I’m not a good enough mom, wife, or friend. I will no longer agree with you when you insist that everyone else is better at life than I am. I won’t let you hold me back from achieving the greatness that is my birthright by convincing me that I am not capable of it. Guess what? I am capable of greatness, I am worthy of love, I am a beautiful person. Guess what? So are you! I love you self, you are not alone. Don’t be afraid because I have it on good authority that every little thing is gonna be alright.

Love & Light,
The Awakened Momma

What if No One Reads This?

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What if No One Reads This?

*Deep Breaths* Here I am attempting to write a blog as an impulse decision. I haven’t done hours of research on this, or anxiously obsessed over whether this is a good decision or not. This is very untrue to my nature. Right about now the self-doubting voice in my head is chiming in reminding me that a) my writing sucks b) no one will probably read this and 3) there’s no point in coming up with a third reason since no one is reading this.

Truth be told, I am writing this regardless of what the self-doubting voice says. I am writing this regardless of who reads it because I need to heal and grow, and despite my subpar writing skills I believe in the therapeutic abilities of baring your soul on pen and paper (eh.. keyboard and desktop?). This might be the first time in my life that I am attempting something without the expectations of succeeding or the fear of failure. I am doing this just to do. Hopefully as time passes my awareness will expand (and my writing will get better? *crosses fingers*) and I will see a positive shift in my life.

The title that I chose for my blog may suggest that I’m some enlightened guru who is here to help you raise mini Buddhas. Let me shock you right now and tell you I’m not! Awakened (in reference to a spiritual awakening) is what I aim to be. Having a kid (my son EJ was born in 2011) made me want to be the best me I could possibly be (too clich√©?). But the kicker is that having a toddler often brings out the big, bad, ugly monsters hiding in our inner closets that we stuffed away in our own childhoods.

So here I am, a year and a half into raising my little and I already feel like I’ve scarred him for life! That’s where this blog comes in. This is where I’m committing to actively kicking my butt into gear. I am using this blog as my proverbial mountaintop and yelling for all (or none) to hear: “I want change!”. I am making multiple changes in my current lifestyle and I hope to document them here. I will describe these changes in more detail in later posts and hopefully others going through similar changes will follow along and learn with me. These changes will mainly focus on my physical health, my spiritual self, and my relationship with others (especially EJ). One person that reads this and resonates with me, is one person who I am thankful for. I’m not sure where this journey is taking me but I’m buckled in and ready to go, who’s got shotgun?

Love and Light,
The Awakened Momma