I Bend So I Don’t Break

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I Bend So I Don’t Break
I’m happy, I have a life filled with love, I have amazing opportunities and access to resources to make my dreams happen. Life is good…AND

I’m.

Still.

A.

Fucking.

Mess.

Seriously, don’t let the pretty pictures and inspirational quotes on my Instagram mislead you. I stumble and even fall on the regular.

I need to put this out there; I need you to know this about me! I struggle with anxiety, and acceptance, and people skills, and… I could go on and on and on and on, for an obscenely long time. And the cherry on top? I get extremely disappointed in myself when I struggle. How fucking dare I?! I’m only 9,586 days old, I thought I at least would’ve got the hang of this life business by day 6,666 **Throws fists in air**

I do occasionally stop to consider the possibility that maybe I’m not actually a sucky human, I may even be an awesome one! Maybe what’s sucky are the (mostly self-imposed) expectations that I carry around weighing me down like a fucking elephant. So yes, I have a lot of learning and growing still to do, and I’m sure you do too, but isn’t that why we’re here? Isn’t that the point of being alive? Isn’t getting mad at ourselves for not getting everything right kinda like getting mad at kindergarteners for not graduating high school yet?  Yea, kinda makes no sense when I put it that way!

I’ve been lucky blessed to have people in my life that accept me for the beautiful hot mess I am and I’m starting to follow suit.  If you follow my Instagram, you may have noticed my newfound love for yoga! It’s hard to put into words what yoga has done for me. Yoga has been my potato peeler, I know it’s a weird analogy but stay with me here. Like a potato peeler, yoga has peeled away layers of me that were once meant to protect me but that also kind of keep me from fulfilling my true purpose. Sure there might be some weirdos out there that prefer to leave the skin on the potatoes but creamy, skin-free mashed potatoes is the bees knees, just like an authentic, shell-free person is the cat’s pajamas!
So yoga is my new bae! It has become a major tool of self-discovery for me. The focus required to breathe into each pose forces my mind to take a break and just be… and you wanna know the most beautiful thing about me, and you, and every single person on this planet? When we just “be” we see that in our essence we are perfectly whole! All the countless hours we spend asking “what is wrong with me?” and trying to find the missing pieces to fix our self-perceived brokenness could be better spent embracing the awesomeness that already exists within you.

In conclusion, I’m a mess and I’m over convincing myself that life is meant to be spotless. Also, I urge you to find something that does for you what yoga has done for me. Go find your own potato peeler.

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Love & Light,

The Awakened Momma

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