Celebrate good times, come on!

Standard

It’s my blogiversary!!! A year ago today, after the kiddo went to bed, I sat down and wrote this. I was pretty desperate for change, for progress. Life was overwhelming me, suffocating me little by little everyday (that sounds really dramatic). It wasn’t THAT bad, but in the midst of it I knew that I was not living life to the fullest.

Fast forward a year and I’m very grateful for the divine energies that encouraged me to sit down and write that night. Even though this blog is severely neglected, it has definitely been fulfilling it’s purpose of helping me heal. It’s almost as if I was tied by anchors and thrown under water before; now every time I bare my soul on here its like loosening another anchor and swimming closer and closer to the surface.

I’m at a point now where I feel like the constant anxiety freezes that used to overcome me are becoming distant memories and my moods are constant and happy overall. I count my blessings everyday by keeping a “gratitude jar” and I’m working hard at tossing old habits and thought patterns that no longer serve me. I’ve found healing in so many places, people, and resources and I do hope to write all about it one day. I have many unfinished blog posts but everything will happen in divine time.

I wish I was cool enough to host a giveaway to celebrate my blogiversary, but alas I’m only mildly cool so 20 random facts about me will have to suffice. ūüėČ

1) I’m an introvert.
2) Loving myself has been one of my biggest challenges but I have a much better handle on it lately. I rock. 
3) I’ve been married to my high school sweet heart for five years (celebrated last week!) and I’m still crazy in love with him. He rocks.¬†
4) I’m convinced I learn more from my little than he does from me. He super rocks.¬†
5) I never wanna cut his hair! You can’t make me ūüėĚ
6)) Growing up I wanted to be a ballerina, dentist, lawyer, psychologist, massage therapist, teacher. In that order. 
7) I decided to become a photographer when searching for a birth photographer and weeping over how amazing the images I encountered were. My soul was moved!
8) I change my mind weekly about wanting more kids. 
9) I have a huge bucket list. 
10) I move a lot. Probably over 2 dozen times since I was little. 
11) My sweet tooth is a monster. Her name is Grumbelina. 
12) I’m getting tired of saying “I”
13) Laughing (obnoxiously) is my favorite. 
14) I’m not afraid to dream big. I wanna be great.¬†
15) I suffer from severe hangry-ness. I could have my own snickers commercial lol. 
16) I still remember reading the first Harry Potter book, I don’t think I left my room for two days.¬†
17) This list is getting random. I love lamp
18) I can have a full conversation with just movie and tv references. If you think that’s hard…that’s what she said.¬†
19) I dislike small talk but I love deep and meaningful conversations. 
20) I thought this list would never end. 

So that’s a bit about me. If you read that, thank you! This post has been a bit rushed so forgive any errors, I will come back and edit it. Just wanted to post it in time to commemorate the fact that a year has passed and life has indeed gotten better!

Love, light, & blessings,

The Awakened Momma

Advertisements

The Present: Part 2

Standard

Thank you for coming back to read the second part of The Present! Here’s part one in case you missed it.

I’ve been battling my addiction ever since I admitted it here and it’s been (and continues to be) a heck of a journey. I win some I lose some, but last night definitely felt like winning game one of the World Series.

I started my morning with stress pouring out of my pores. I decided to make the best of things and took the kiddo to a playdate. On the way there I listened to this…

Today, I will find my soul in the here and now. I will release all ghosts/pains from my past so I may vanquish all ills. I will no longer hold onto pain until it becomes anger. I will no longer hold on to pleasure before it becomes an addiction. Past and future are only the dreams of who I was or what I might become. The present moment is the only meeting place of where you will find your soul.

-Deepak Chopra’s Soul of ¬†Healing ¬†Affirmations

The playdate was a success for both Mommy and Baby. When I got home my stress greeted me at the door. It climbed on my back and demanded a piggy back ride up the stairs. My usual response to this is to hold on to the load all day long while spending every possible moment distracting myself from the overwhelming stress-induced anxiety I am feeling; instead I decided to fully throw myself in a productive task.

And that’s when the magic began!

I slowly started unloading the stress. As if every second that passed a grain of rice kept falling out of a heavy barrel I bared on my shoulders. Somewhere along the way I reached a place where I didn’t feel the need to escape. The weight of the barrel was no longer overwhelming. When the end of the night came I looked at my barrel and was astonished to find it completely empty. I was so tuned in to my day that I didn’t even realize I hadn’t thought about my previous source of anxiety all night. I went through my whole day and I showed up for it! I was present!

“So what?” Right? Well as an outsider you are probably saying ” I do that everyday. Want a cookie?!” But really this is my deepest, darkest struggle. I have lost countless hours, days, weeks, even months to my addiction to distractions. It haunts me everyday, and yet I’ve continued to let it have power over me.

But yesterday was different.

Yesterday was an ordinary day made extraordinary by being fully in the present. I’m holding back tears as I’m writing this. There were dark and desperate days when I doubted this day would ever come. A day when I could transform my fears and anxiety into joy and peace, all. on. my. own. No distractions necessary. This small but sweet victory has been a long time coming and was just what I needed. My intentions are finally starting to manifest and it truly feels magical.

I wish I would’ve blogged more during the journey so you could know the bits and pieces that collaborated together to lead me to this point. I’ll try my very hardest to blog about it retrospectively but I’m not making any promises ;-P. I’m not a good multitasker so I’m either living or blogging, can’t do both.

Now I’m off to show up for my day today, but not before I thank you again for taking the time to support me by reading this. I’m grateful for you!

Make it a magical one

Love & Light,
The Awakened Momma

20131122-132635.jpg

The Present: Part 1

Standard

There’s a song in my heart today! As I commenced my peanut-butter-sandwich-making and coffee-drinking morning ritual, I uncharacteristically began to belt out a song (I’m usually a zombie of very few words in the mornings).

“Time keeps on slippin’
Into the future
Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’
Into the future
So I wanna fly like an eagle to the sea
Fly like an eagle, let the spirit carry me
I wanna fly
Fly right into the future
I wanna feed the babies, that can’t get enough to eat
I wanna shoe the children, with no shoes on their feet
I wanna house the people, livin’ in the street
Oh yeah, there’s a solution
I wanna fly like an eagle to the sea
Fly like an eagle, let that spirit carry me
I wanna fly, oh yeah
Fly right into the future”

After the third time of sounding like a broken record (because that’s all I remember of the song), the significance of the words coming out of my mouth made a crash landing in my brain and almost knocked me over. Read the rest of this entry

Candy-Coated Fear

Standard

This is the element of freedom...

This is the element of freedom…


Being human sometimes feels a lot like a hugely elaborated video game puzzle where the main character has no freaking clue that they’re in a game. You don’t see the helpful hints or the extra lives that are flashing on the screen, all you know is that you are on a mission and there are many challenges ahead. At least that’s what my life felt like lately and quite frankly I’m done with it… Read the rest of this entry

Dear Anyone

Standard
Dear Anyone

Dear God,
Dear Source,
Dear Angels,
Dear anyone who’s listening….
I have forgotten.
I have forgotten how to be still,
I have forgotten how to be mindful,
I have forgotten how to listen,
I have forgotten my mission,
I have forgotten how to be me.
I have forgotten how to be.
I have forgotten and it is causing me suffering.
I want to wake up.
I feel like I’m trapped in a dream and every now and then I get a glimpse of the real world. I want to stay there, in the real word. Please help me hold on. Please help me wake up.

Love & Light,
The (un)Awakened Momma

20130710-225712.jpg

Judge Not Today

Standard

20130409-101311.jpg

I estimate that about 75% of the thoughts that I have in one day are judgements. Judgements against myself, judgements against others, and judgements against the world. I may even be wildly underestimating…maybe it’s more like 80-90%!
Whoo, that’s a lot of judging!! Well I am a Virgo after all and one of our distinguishing characteristics is our nearly superhuman ability to “analyze” (aka judge the life out of everything). Judgement is a necessary part of this universe, we humans need to discriminate to discern the valuable situations from the harmful. But when judgement and balance aren’t used in the same breath, things can quickly spiral out of control.

Read the rest of this entry