Tag Archives: Anxiety

I Bend So I Don’t Break

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I Bend So I Don’t Break
I’m happy, I have a life filled with love, I have amazing opportunities and access to resources to make my dreams happen. Life is good…AND

I’m.

Still.

A.

Fucking.

Mess.

Seriously, don’t let the pretty pictures and inspirational quotes on my Instagram mislead you. I stumble and even fall on the regular.

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Celebrate good times, come on!

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It’s my blogiversary!!! A year ago today, after the kiddo went to bed, I sat down and wrote this. I was pretty desperate for change, for progress. Life was overwhelming me, suffocating me little by little everyday (that sounds really dramatic). It wasn’t THAT bad, but in the midst of it I knew that I was not living life to the fullest.

Fast forward a year and I’m very grateful for the divine energies that encouraged me to sit down and write that night. Even though this blog is severely neglected, it has definitely been fulfilling it’s purpose of helping me heal. It’s almost as if I was tied by anchors and thrown under water before; now every time I bare my soul on here its like loosening another anchor and swimming closer and closer to the surface.

I’m at a point now where I feel like the constant anxiety freezes that used to overcome me are becoming distant memories and my moods are constant and happy overall. I count my blessings everyday by keeping a “gratitude jar” and I’m working hard at tossing old habits and thought patterns that no longer serve me. I’ve found healing in so many places, people, and resources and I do hope to write all about it one day. I have many unfinished blog posts but everything will happen in divine time.

I wish I was cool enough to host a giveaway to celebrate my blogiversary, but alas I’m only mildly cool so 20 random facts about me will have to suffice. 😉

1) I’m an introvert.
2) Loving myself has been one of my biggest challenges but I have a much better handle on it lately. I rock. 
3) I’ve been married to my high school sweet heart for five years (celebrated last week!) and I’m still crazy in love with him. He rocks. 
4) I’m convinced I learn more from my little than he does from me. He super rocks. 
5) I never wanna cut his hair! You can’t make me 😝
6)) Growing up I wanted to be a ballerina, dentist, lawyer, psychologist, massage therapist, teacher. In that order. 
7) I decided to become a photographer when searching for a birth photographer and weeping over how amazing the images I encountered were. My soul was moved!
8) I change my mind weekly about wanting more kids. 
9) I have a huge bucket list. 
10) I move a lot. Probably over 2 dozen times since I was little. 
11) My sweet tooth is a monster. Her name is Grumbelina. 
12) I’m getting tired of saying “I”
13) Laughing (obnoxiously) is my favorite. 
14) I’m not afraid to dream big. I wanna be great. 
15) I suffer from severe hangry-ness. I could have my own snickers commercial lol. 
16) I still remember reading the first Harry Potter book, I don’t think I left my room for two days. 
17) This list is getting random. I love lamp
18) I can have a full conversation with just movie and tv references. If you think that’s hard…that’s what she said. 
19) I dislike small talk but I love deep and meaningful conversations. 
20) I thought this list would never end. 

So that’s a bit about me. If you read that, thank you! This post has been a bit rushed so forgive any errors, I will come back and edit it. Just wanted to post it in time to commemorate the fact that a year has passed and life has indeed gotten better!

Love, light, & blessings,

The Awakened Momma

Candy-Coated Fear

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This is the element of freedom...

This is the element of freedom…


Being human sometimes feels a lot like a hugely elaborated video game puzzle where the main character has no freaking clue that they’re in a game. You don’t see the helpful hints or the extra lives that are flashing on the screen, all you know is that you are on a mission and there are many challenges ahead. At least that’s what my life felt like lately and quite frankly I’m done with it… Read the rest of this entry

Judge Not Today

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I estimate that about 75% of the thoughts that I have in one day are judgements. Judgements against myself, judgements against others, and judgements against the world. I may even be wildly underestimating…maybe it’s more like 80-90%!
Whoo, that’s a lot of judging!! Well I am a Virgo after all and one of our distinguishing characteristics is our nearly superhuman ability to “analyze” (aka judge the life out of everything). Judgement is a necessary part of this universe, we humans need to discriminate to discern the valuable situations from the harmful. But when judgement and balance aren’t used in the same breath, things can quickly spiral out of control.

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The Freedom Within

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I’m frozen :-/ … I talked about it in my previous post about anxiety and its what’s been keeping me away from the blog. I have so many things I want to write about but nothing breaks through the layer of ice keeping me in a mindless limbo. In an attempt to revitalize my mind I have been rereading things I have written during moments of bliss. I ran across this poem and found it perfect. It sparked a little light in me, may it spark a little light in you too…

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Physical Changes: To Paleo or Not to Paleo?

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Physical Changes: To Paleo or Not to Paleo?

Ever had a situation where you were continuously doing something while ignoring ALL of the signs that are yelling at you “NO!”, “don’t do it”, “turn around”, “put the cookie down!?” Some people may call this stubbornness, I’ll call it “I’ve-been-driving-in-the-wrong-direction-for-so-long-I’m-afraid-to-get-smashed-by-incoming-cars-if-I attempt-a-U-Turn syndrome” (should I abbreviate that? IBDITWDFSLIIATGSBICIIAAUT syndrome, maybe not…). well that basically sums up my relationship with food at the moment. 

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Addicted to Distractions?

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Addicted to Distractions?

This is going to hurt…

Another day gone, wasted away pointlessly browsing the web, obsessively checking my email, and letting my mind run on auto pilot all day. I understand the word addiction is a strong one, but I assure you it’s the right word.

Typing this is painful. The shame and guilt that go along with the word addiction feel strong enough to swallow me whole.
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