This is the element of freedom…
Being human sometimes feels a lot like a hugely elaborated video game puzzle where the main character has no freaking clue that they’re in a game. You don’t see the helpful hints or the extra lives that are flashing on the screen, all you know is that you are on a mission and there are many challenges ahead. At least that’s what my life felt like lately and quite frankly I’m done with it… Read the rest of this entry
I estimate that about 75% of the thoughts that I have in one day are judgements. Judgements against myself, judgements against others, and judgements against the world. I may even be wildly underestimating…maybe it’s more like 80-90%!
Whoo, that’s a lot of judging!! Well I am a Virgo after all and one of our distinguishing characteristics is our nearly superhuman ability to “analyze” (aka judge the life out of everything). Judgement is a necessary part of this universe, we humans need to discriminate to discern the valuable situations from the harmful. But when judgement and balance aren’t used in the same breath, things can quickly spiral out of control.
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Words, words, words. We speak thousands of words a day but how much consciousness actually goes into those words? And how many of those thousands are really serving us? Do you often find yourself saying things like “I feel awful”, “this sucks”, “this is too hard!” Or some people’s personal favorite: “life is a bitch!” (Oh yeah, I went there). I’m not pointing a finger though, I’m right there with you. When life gets challenging I break out my DAG (Doom and Gloom) vocabulary.
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They should warn you that when you start a blog the thoughts in your head become like the last few Cheerios in a bowl full of milk. You’ll chase those suckers around with your spoon, but they’ll continuously evade you with their super ninja skills. So as I’m scrambling together my Cheerios..er, thoughts I feel a block. I’m looking for my next post in the future (the changes I want to make) and the past (the issues and intimacies of my messed up head) but true to the nature of this blog, the present moment is where the goodies are. In the NOW, I feel there is one important thing I need to do before I proceed. Please allow me to address this issue in a letter to myself.
I forgive you. Your harsh words and judgements have hurt me, but I forgive you Self. I understand a little bit better now that the way you talk to me is the way you’ve allowed others to talk to you in the past. It’s a cycle, and although I forgive you, I no longer want to participate in or perpetuate this cycle. Self, you are powerful and magnificent and together we can be the stars of our own movie. I can sense your fear but don’t let it consume you. Face it Self, you’re pretty damn powerful, but don’t be afraid of your own power and embrace it instead!
From this moment, I will no longer hear you when you tell me I’m not a good enough mom, wife, or friend. I will no longer agree with you when you insist that everyone else is better at life than I am. I won’t let you hold me back from achieving the greatness that is my birthright by convincing me that I am not capable of it. Guess what? I am capable of greatness, I am worthy of love, I am a beautiful person. Guess what? So are you! I love you self, you are not alone. Don’t be afraid because I have it on good authority that every little thing is gonna be alright.
Love & Light,
The Awakened Momma