Tag Archives: present

I Bend So I Don’t Break

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I Bend So I Don’t Break
I’m happy, I have a life filled with love, I have amazing opportunities and access to resources to make my dreams happen. Life is good…AND

I’m.

Still.

A.

Fucking.

Mess.

Seriously, don’t let the pretty pictures and inspirational quotes on my Instagram mislead you. I stumble and even fall on the regular.

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Addicted to Distractions? NO MORE!

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Addicted to Distractions? NO MORE!

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I’ve never appreciated my existence as much as I do now,
I’ve never meditated as deeply as I can now,
I’ve never hugged my loved ones as tightly as I do now
I’ve never been as free as I am NOW.

And all this due to a decision I made 22 days ago.

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The Present: Part 2

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Thank you for coming back to read the second part of The Present! Here’s part one in case you missed it.

I’ve been battling my addiction ever since I admitted it here and it’s been (and continues to be) a heck of a journey. I win some I lose some, but last night definitely felt like winning game one of the World Series.

I started my morning with stress pouring out of my pores. I decided to make the best of things and took the kiddo to a playdate. On the way there I listened to this…

Today, I will find my soul in the here and now. I will release all ghosts/pains from my past so I may vanquish all ills. I will no longer hold onto pain until it becomes anger. I will no longer hold on to pleasure before it becomes an addiction. Past and future are only the dreams of who I was or what I might become. The present moment is the only meeting place of where you will find your soul.

-Deepak Chopra’s Soul of  Healing  Affirmations

The playdate was a success for both Mommy and Baby. When I got home my stress greeted me at the door. It climbed on my back and demanded a piggy back ride up the stairs. My usual response to this is to hold on to the load all day long while spending every possible moment distracting myself from the overwhelming stress-induced anxiety I am feeling; instead I decided to fully throw myself in a productive task.

And that’s when the magic began!

I slowly started unloading the stress. As if every second that passed a grain of rice kept falling out of a heavy barrel I bared on my shoulders. Somewhere along the way I reached a place where I didn’t feel the need to escape. The weight of the barrel was no longer overwhelming. When the end of the night came I looked at my barrel and was astonished to find it completely empty. I was so tuned in to my day that I didn’t even realize I hadn’t thought about my previous source of anxiety all night. I went through my whole day and I showed up for it! I was present!

“So what?” Right? Well as an outsider you are probably saying ” I do that everyday. Want a cookie?!” But really this is my deepest, darkest struggle. I have lost countless hours, days, weeks, even months to my addiction to distractions. It haunts me everyday, and yet I’ve continued to let it have power over me.

But yesterday was different.

Yesterday was an ordinary day made extraordinary by being fully in the present. I’m holding back tears as I’m writing this. There were dark and desperate days when I doubted this day would ever come. A day when I could transform my fears and anxiety into joy and peace, all. on. my. own. No distractions necessary. This small but sweet victory has been a long time coming and was just what I needed. My intentions are finally starting to manifest and it truly feels magical.

I wish I would’ve blogged more during the journey so you could know the bits and pieces that collaborated together to lead me to this point. I’ll try my very hardest to blog about it retrospectively but I’m not making any promises ;-P. I’m not a good multitasker so I’m either living or blogging, can’t do both.

Now I’m off to show up for my day today, but not before I thank you again for taking the time to support me by reading this. I’m grateful for you!

Make it a magical one

Love & Light,
The Awakened Momma

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The Present: Part 1

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There’s a song in my heart today! As I commenced my peanut-butter-sandwich-making and coffee-drinking morning ritual, I uncharacteristically began to belt out a song (I’m usually a zombie of very few words in the mornings).

“Time keeps on slippin’
Into the future
Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’
Into the future
So I wanna fly like an eagle to the sea
Fly like an eagle, let the spirit carry me
I wanna fly
Fly right into the future
I wanna feed the babies, that can’t get enough to eat
I wanna shoe the children, with no shoes on their feet
I wanna house the people, livin’ in the street
Oh yeah, there’s a solution
I wanna fly like an eagle to the sea
Fly like an eagle, let that spirit carry me
I wanna fly, oh yeah
Fly right into the future”

After the third time of sounding like a broken record (because that’s all I remember of the song), the significance of the words coming out of my mouth made a crash landing in my brain and almost knocked me over. Read the rest of this entry