Searching For My Village

Standard

    Although I’m not too keen on labels (I explain why here), sometimes they make things easier to explain. When it comes to my parenting style I really just follow my instincts and try whatever works for me. Surprisingly what works for me seems to work for others as well and there’s even a label for it: Attachment Parenting or AP for short! I don’t call myself an attachment parent but once I read over their eight principles I noticed I was already striving to adopt them into our lives. 

   Anywhoozle, the reason I bored you with that precious info is because I think I’m not alone in sometimes throwing my hands up in the air and incoherently wondering “Why is this so hard?!” If we follow our instincts and there’s even studies to suggest we’re not entirely crazy for co-sleeping and breastfeeding into toddlerhood, then how come sometimes I just want to lock my boobs away and fantasize about sleeping alone in the guest room so I can get my first full nights sleep in almost two years? There has to be a missing piece to this pie right? Well, in a moment of either sheer genius or sleep-deprived induced insanity I found that missing pie piece and ate it! 

   Yes it’s our parental instincts that makes us want to nurture our kidlets and create secure attachments with them, but maybe the reason why it can feel so hard in modern times is because those instincts were meant to be backed up by the support of a community. Ever heard the phrase “it takes a village to raise a child”? I don’t know about you but I barely know my next door neighbor’s name, and the thought of leaving my little with anyone (with the exception of very few people) is straight up petrifying yo! Therein lies the issue, parenting is awesome but when it’s just a one (or two) man job it’s exhausting and someone’s needs are bound to go unmet. A “village”, consisting of multiple people that support and respect us and our choices that are readily and locally available, is the missing cherry to our parenting ice cream sundae (can you tell I’m a recovering sugar addict?). 

So there you have it, I’ve pinpointed the problem. But this blog isn’t about pinpointing, it’s about a magical six letter word… SLEEP? No that’s only five, sorry I meant CHANGE! Yes that’s right change, I have a problem and I don’t like it so I’m going to change. It’s not going to be easy, I am not a social person. When I first meet someone I feel like an idiot who never says the right thing. After all, I couldn’t hear the person’s name over the sound of my brain freaking the heck out! When I do gain a friend, I’m not even sure I make a good one! Again with not saying the right things and sometimes getting so caught up in my own storyline that I forget to reach out and keep in touch. So yeah, I don’t know how or when but I will expand my circle of support. I will reach out and make genuine connections with others and our lives will be enriched because of it. Simply coexisting with our fellow (wo)men is not enough, relationships, community, connections… That’s what makes life worth living, that’s what we need, that’s what our children need, that’s what we’ll find!

Are you a loner like me or are you cool enough to have a village to call your own? Tell me about it in the comments and share with me how your community (or lack thereof) influences your life! 

Love & Light,
The Awakened Momma

Advertisements

8 responses »

    • Hehe! Us loners are masters of ambiguity! We have to make sure not to give too much away right?
      Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

  1. Might I suggest that you seek a tribe on Meetup.com? I found a group of like-minded mamas there and have gotten together to do things like make huge batches of homemade soup to divvy up whilst the little ones played. Part of their purpose is to connect with moms in your area who can act as work partners for you—one of my new friends will come over with her son and watch the kids play while I get housework done, and I do the same for her. It helps to keep you from burning out, knowing there’s another mama who’s in the same boat who has your back. I’m not the best at making or keeping friends, but this isn’t just about friendship: it’s about support.

    • Thank you for the suggestion! I actually have joined a local meetup group with those intentions. So far I’ve only made acquaintances, I just haven’t opened myself up enough. But you are right that they could be a great support, I think I’ll start attending more meetups and becoming more active in the group.
      Thanks again for stopping by!

  2. I’m a social bee and I always trying to make friends. I was living in Orlando were I had a large support group. There I had my village, I really miss that support group, and even thou I like making new friends, good friends with ur same point of view and with a like parenting techniques are not often found.

  3. You make a very valid point! We use our instincts to parent a well and it’s a personally tweaked form of attachment parenting…. And it can be utterly exhausting! I have no family to help, my good friend was my only trusted baby sitter & she moved away. I feel like I never get a mental break. I have made a few very good friends since becoming a mom and they are life savers, but then I always feel like I can’t give them the kind of attention I gave my friends before becoming a mom. It’s also difficult because I do parent against the mainstream and that often makes it hard to bond with other moms. I’m not preachy, I’m just doing what comes natural… But it does make a difference when it comes to making friends with other moms.
    One day we will sleep. One day we may have an over abundance time on our hands for making friends and miss this crazy time in our lives. It seems like forever away but I’m sure it will be here all too soon. You’re doing a wonderful job mama.

    • You know it feels awesome to know that you’re not alone! I agree that one day these will be the moments we miss the most, it’s so bittersweet to think about. Having a release like this blog helps me to put into perspective what really matters. I think motherhood brings the toughest challenges we’ll ever face and the sweetest rewards we’ll ever enjoy at the same time. Thanks for reading and commenting Alexis! ❤

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s