I’ve never appreciated my existence as much as I do now,
I’ve never meditated as deeply as I can now,
I’ve never hugged my loved ones as tightly as I do now
I’ve never been as free as I am NOW.
And all this due to a decision I made 22 days ago.
It’s my blogiversary!!! A year ago today, after the kiddo went to bed, I sat down and wrote this. I was pretty desperate for change, for progress. Life was overwhelming me, suffocating me little by little everyday (that sounds really dramatic). It wasn’t THAT bad, but in the midst of it I knew that I was not living life to the fullest.
Fast forward a year and I’m very grateful for the divine energies that encouraged me to sit down and write that night. Even though this blog is severely neglected, it has definitely been fulfilling it’s purpose of helping me heal. It’s almost as if I was tied by anchors and thrown under water before; now every time I bare my soul on here its like loosening another anchor and swimming closer and closer to the surface.
I’m at a point now where I feel like the constant anxiety freezes that used to overcome me are becoming distant memories and my moods are constant and happy overall. I count my blessings everyday by keeping a “gratitude jar” and I’m working hard at tossing old habits and thought patterns that no longer serve me. I’ve found healing in so many places, people, and resources and I do hope to write all about it one day. I have many unfinished blog posts but everything will happen in divine time.
I wish I was cool enough to host a giveaway to celebrate my blogiversary, but alas I’m only mildly cool so 20 random facts about me will have to suffice. 😉
1) I’m an introvert.
2) Loving myself has been one of my biggest challenges but I have a much better handle on it lately. I rock.
3) I’ve been married to my high school sweet heart for five years (celebrated last week!) and I’m still crazy in love with him. He rocks.
4) I’m convinced I learn more from my little than he does from me. He super rocks.
5) I never wanna cut his hair! You can’t make me 😝
6)) Growing up I wanted to be a ballerina, dentist, lawyer, psychologist, massage therapist, teacher. In that order.
7) I decided to become a photographer when searching for a birth photographer and weeping over how amazing the images I encountered were. My soul was moved!
8) I change my mind weekly about wanting more kids.
9) I have a huge bucket list.
10) I move a lot. Probably over 2 dozen times since I was little.
11) My sweet tooth is a monster. Her name is Grumbelina.
12) I’m getting tired of saying “I”
13) Laughing (obnoxiously) is my favorite.
14) I’m not afraid to dream big. I wanna be great.
15) I suffer from severe hangry-ness. I could have my own snickers commercial lol.
16) I still remember reading the first Harry Potter book, I don’t think I left my room for two days.
17) This list is getting random. I love lamp
18) I can have a full conversation with just movie and tv references. If you think that’s hard…that’s what she said.
19) I dislike small talk but I love deep and meaningful conversations.
20) I thought this list would never end.
So that’s a bit about me. If you read that, thank you! This post has been a bit rushed so forgive any errors, I will come back and edit it. Just wanted to post it in time to commemorate the fact that a year has passed and life has indeed gotten better!
Love, light, & blessings,
The Awakened Momma
There’s a song in my heart today! As I commenced my peanut-butter-sandwich-making and coffee-drinking morning ritual, I uncharacteristically began to belt out a song (I’m usually a zombie of very few words in the mornings).
“Time keeps on slippin’
Into the future
Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’
Into the future
So I wanna fly like an eagle to the sea
Fly like an eagle, let the spirit carry me
I wanna fly
Fly right into the future
I wanna feed the babies, that can’t get enough to eat
I wanna shoe the children, with no shoes on their feet
I wanna house the people, livin’ in the street
Oh yeah, there’s a solution
I wanna fly like an eagle to the sea
Fly like an eagle, let that spirit carry me
I wanna fly, oh yeah
Fly right into the future”
After the third time of sounding like a broken record (because that’s all I remember of the song), the significance of the words coming out of my mouth made a crash landing in my brain and almost knocked me over. Read the rest of this entry
This is the element of freedom…
Ever had a situation where you were continuously doing something while ignoring ALL of the signs that are yelling at you “NO!”, “don’t do it”, “turn around”, “put the cookie down!?” Some people may call this stubbornness, I’ll call it “I’ve-been-driving-in-the-wrong-direction-for-so-long-I’m-afraid-to-get-smashed-by-incoming-cars-if-I attempt-a-U-Turn syndrome” (should I abbreviate that? IBDITWDFSLIIATGSBICIIAAUT syndrome, maybe not…). well that basically sums up my relationship with food at the moment.
Words, words, words. We speak thousands of words a day but how much consciousness actually goes into those words? And how many of those thousands are really serving us? Do you often find yourself saying things like “I feel awful”, “this sucks”, “this is too hard!” Or some people’s personal favorite: “life is a bitch!” (Oh yeah, I went there). I’m not pointing a finger though, I’m right there with you. When life gets challenging I break out my DAG (Doom and Gloom) vocabulary.
This is going to hurt…
Another day gone, wasted away pointlessly browsing the web, obsessively checking my email, and letting my mind run on auto pilot all day. I understand the word addiction is a strong one, but I assure you it’s the right word.
Typing this is painful. The shame and guilt that go along with the word addiction feel strong enough to swallow me whole.
Read the rest of this entry
I ‘ve reread my last post a few times since posting it and I instantly felt all of the negativity and frustration climbing out of my screen and back into my being. I’m glad I wrote the post, it helped me release, but I want to do a little soul uplifting today so I dub today “Way to go Wednesday”!
Way to go Wednesday is just a quick list of the things I’m doing right. I’ve already admitted that I tend to be my harshest critic so in the spirit of change and enlightenment….
This is Why I’m Hot:
Read the rest of this entry
Although I’m not too keen on labels (I explain why here), sometimes they make things easier to explain. When it comes to my parenting style I really just follow my instincts and try whatever works for me. Surprisingly what works for me seems to work for others as well and there’s even a label for it: Attachment Parenting or AP for short! I don’t call myself an attachment parent but once I read over their eight principles I noticed I was already striving to adopt them into our lives.
Anywhoozle, the reason I bored you with that precious info is because I think I’m not alone in sometimes throwing my hands up in the air and incoherently wondering “Why is this so hard?!” If we follow our instincts and there’s even studies to suggest we’re not entirely crazy for co-sleeping and breastfeeding into toddlerhood, then how come sometimes I just want to lock my boobs away and fantasize about sleeping alone in the guest room so I can get my first full nights sleep in almost two years? There has to be a missing piece to this pie right? Well, in a moment of either sheer genius or sleep-deprived induced insanity I found that missing pie piece and ate it!
Read the rest of this entry
*Deep Breaths* Here I am attempting to write a blog as an impulse decision. I haven’t done hours of research on this, or anxiously obsessed over whether this is a good decision or not. This is very untrue to my nature. Right about now the self-doubting voice in my head is chiming in reminding me that a) my writing sucks b) no one will probably read this and 3) there’s no point in coming up with a third reason since no one is reading this.
Truth be told, I am writing this regardless of what the self-doubting voice says. I am writing this regardless of who reads it because I need to heal and grow, and despite my subpar writing skills I believe in the therapeutic abilities of baring your soul on pen and paper (eh.. keyboard and desktop?). This might be the first time in my life that I am attempting something without the expectations of succeeding or the fear of failure. I am doing this just to do. Hopefully as time passes my awareness will expand (and my writing will get better? *crosses fingers*) and I will see a positive shift in my life.
The title that I chose for my blog may suggest that I’m some enlightened guru who is here to help you raise mini Buddhas. Let me shock you right now and tell you I’m not! Awakened (in reference to a spiritual awakening) is what I aim to be. Having a kid (my son EJ was born in 2011) made me want to be the best me I could possibly be (too cliché?). But the kicker is that having a toddler often brings out the big, bad, ugly monsters hiding in our inner closets that we stuffed away in our own childhoods.
So here I am, a year and a half into raising my little and I already feel like I’ve scarred him for life! That’s where this blog comes in. This is where I’m committing to actively kicking my butt into gear. I am using this blog as my proverbial mountaintop and yelling for all (or none) to hear: “I want change!”. I am making multiple changes in my current lifestyle and I hope to document them here. I will describe these changes in more detail in later posts and hopefully others going through similar changes will follow along and learn with me. These changes will mainly focus on my physical health, my spiritual self, and my relationship with others (especially EJ). One person that reads this and resonates with me, is one person who I am thankful for. I’m not sure where this journey is taking me but I’m buckled in and ready to go, who’s got shotgun?
Love and Light,
The Awakened Momma
The Awakened Momma 