Terrible Twos Tantrum Throwdown

I knew this time would come, can’t say I’m really surprised. It’s one of the most popular topics in parenting circles and yet I still can’t say I was fully prepared for the Terrible Twos!

Missing You and a Picture Update

I miss the blogging world. I have grown quite fond of it in a very short time. I like the people I follow, I like the people that follow me. I like the bravery I have in the comfort of my own virtual abode and the kindness I receive from the strangers that like my story. I get a warm and fuzzy feeling when I think about this blog and what it means. So in case anyone was wondering, nope I haven’t forgotten about you oh faithful readers. I’ve just been busy with life and not particularly inspired to write. I’ve been taking pictures instead. Since I’m the queen of this castle I guess even if I don’t write I can share my pictures so yeah here they are 🙂

Grateful for This Mombie Monday

Oh Monday, I don’t even have a regular job and you still manage to stand out against the other days of the week. 
Monday is like the eldest sibling who won’t be overshadowed by those pesky younger sibs. Monday’s gotta keep mom and dad (those unsuspecting fools) on their toes. Well you got me again Monday!

Source: Uploaded by user via Rachel on Pinterest

18 Months/79weeks/550 Days

18 months. 79 weeks. 550 days.
That’s how long it’s been since that moment.
That moment that you’ll never remember and I’ll never forget.
That moment when I felt every possible human emotion in the amount of time it took you to exhale your first breath.
That moment when a piece of myself first lived and breathed outside of me.
That miraculous moment.

My Turtle Shell

It’s been an eventful week consisting of two emergency room visits and a three-day hospital stay for my dear husband Jae. They say you don’t know how strong you are until being strong is your only option, and in this case it was true. As one half of my heart walked past the emergency room doors, the other half, EJ, was in my arms. I wished for the super power of being able to be in two places at once but it never came. Jae was released a few hours later only to have to drive himself to the hospital at 5 am after being jolted awake by his severe abdominal pain. He was admitted later that day. I beat myself up all day for not having a village yet because my soul mate was alone in a hospital bed while I had to stay home with EJ. 

Searching For My Village

    Although I’m not too keen on labels (I explain why here), sometimes they make things easier to explain. When it comes to my parenting style I really just follow my instincts and try whatever works for me. Surprisingly what works for me seems to work for others as well and there’s even a label for it: Attachment Parenting or AP for short! I don’t call myself an attachment parent but once I read over their eight principles I noticed I was already striving to adopt them into our lives. 

   Anywhoozle, the reason I bored you with that precious info is because I think I’m not alone in sometimes throwing my hands up in the air and incoherently wondering “Why is this so hard?!” If we follow our instincts and there’s even studies to suggest we’re not entirely crazy for co-sleeping and breastfeeding into toddlerhood, then how come sometimes I just want to lock my boobs away and fantasize about sleeping alone in the guest room so I can get my first full nights sleep in almost two years? There has to be a missing piece to this pie right? Well, in a moment of either sheer genius or sleep-deprived induced insanity I found that missing pie piece and ate it! 

What if No One Reads This?

*Deep Breaths* Here I am attempting to write a blog as an impulse decision. I haven’t done hours of research on this, or anxiously obsessed over whether this is a good decision or not. This is very untrue to my nature. Right about now the self-doubting voice in my head is chiming in reminding me that a) my writing sucks b) no one will probably read this and 3) there’s no point in coming up with a third reason since no one is reading this.

Truth be told, I am writing this regardless of what the self-doubting voice says. I am writing this regardless of who reads it because I need to heal and grow, and despite my subpar writing skills I believe in the therapeutic abilities of baring your soul on pen and paper (eh.. keyboard and desktop?). This might be the first time in my life that I am attempting something without the expectations of succeeding or the fear of failure. I am doing this just to do. Hopefully as time passes my awareness will expand (and my writing will get better? *crosses fingers*) and I will see a positive shift in my life.

The title that I chose for my blog may suggest that I’m some enlightened guru who is here to help you raise mini Buddhas. Let me shock you right now and tell you I’m not! Awakened (in reference to a spiritual awakening) is what I aim to be. Having a kid (my son EJ was born in 2011) made me want to be the best me I could possibly be (too cliché?). But the kicker is that having a toddler often brings out the big, bad, ugly monsters hiding in our inner closets that we stuffed away in our own childhoods.

So here I am, a year and a half into raising my little and I already feel like I’ve scarred him for life! That’s where this blog comes in. This is where I’m committing to actively kicking my butt into gear. I am using this blog as my proverbial mountaintop and yelling for all (or none) to hear: “I want change!”. I am making multiple changes in my current lifestyle and I hope to document them here. I will describe these changes in more detail in later posts and hopefully others going through similar changes will follow along and learn with me. These changes will mainly focus on my physical health, my spiritual self, and my relationship with others (especially EJ). One person that reads this and resonates with me, is one person who I am thankful for. I’m not sure where this journey is taking me but I’m buckled in and ready to go, who’s got shotgun?

Love and Light,
The Awakened Momma