Fly Like an Eagle (Skydiving Birthday Surprise)

     I jumped out of a plane today!! I’m typing this so luckily that means I didn’t die :-p. My 27th birthday was last week and although the hubby wanted to surprise me on my actual birthday, Hurricane Irma the week before meant the Skydive center was having power issues on that day. It was one of the most memorable things I’ve ever done. We chose not to get pictures or videos, which at first I worried I might regret but then I realized that it was a perfect opportunity to experience the moment to the fullest knowing that I’d never get it back. Of course that is true of every moment; once it’s gone, it’s gone… but in this age of social media sometimes it feels like we’re supposed to care more about the memory than the actual moment itself. I am so glad that this moment is mine and mine alone, video wouldn’t have done what I felt justice anyway

I Bend So I Don’t Break

I’m happy, I have a life filled with love, I have amazing opportunities and access to resources to make my dreams happen. Life is good…AND

I’m.

Still.

A.

Fucking.

Mess.

Seriously, don’t let the pretty pictures and inspirational quotes on my Instagram mislead you. I stumble and even fall on the regular.

New Year’s in November

You guys, this is not a drill! Its November of 2016!!! Who’s responsible for this? How did we get here? Did someone forget to take their finger off the fast forward button?? WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?!!

*Deep Breaths* Well, we’re here now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So… that means that there’s only 33 days left until we’re supposed to start making outrageous promises to ourselves and

Happy National Coming Out Day!

Man walking down road at sunset

As much as I dislike labels I love that today is national coming out day and I’m loving reading all these coming out stories being shared on the interwebs! On June 12th 2016 when 49 LGBTQ lives were brutally taken I wept and I wept for weeks afterwards because although I never really cared to label myself, those were my people; I identified with them. They were free spirits who loved who they loved and who were true to themselves (even if just in places like Pulse where they were supposed to be safe).

In my ideal world labels would be useless because we would all just see each other for the beautiful souls we are and that would be that. I’m an optimist so I have hope that we are moving closer and closer to that ideal world but until then I have to admit that labels do serve a purpose. Labels tell others “Look, you’re not alone! I’m with you!!” Anyone who’s ever been desperately lonely can tell you how powerful that statement is. In a world filled with 7 Billion people, no one should ever feel like they are the only one!

So here I am, about to type out the words that I’ve only uttered to a select few, my brain trying to assure my trembling fingers that this is no biggie. I’m bisexual… This doesn’t change anything and it changes everything. Some people will inevitably look at me differently but I don’t care about those people, those are not my people. The ones I care about are the ones who will look at me and say “You are who you are so that means I can be who I am!!!” Those are MY people. I’m doing this for me and I’m doing this for you. I love you ❤

Love always,

The Awakened Momma

 

Super Nova

This man. This man loves me better than I love myself sometimes. In fact, in so many ways he’s the reason I know the importance of loving myself. To have him as my best friend and confidant is a magnificent blessing.

Tonight, as I’ve done many other nights, I came to him with heaviness in my heart. Feeling frozen, confused, fearful… I wish I could adequately describe the way our souls danced in collaboration while we conversed to lift the burdens in my heavy heart. It was almost like magic, the magic of being in the presence of a soulmate.

Before we said goodnight and after I showed him a poem that I’m working on (coming soon to a blog post near you), he dug up an old poem he wrote and recited it to me…

“Trying to piece it all together,
as I sit on the wall

Until gravity whispers, “everything falls”

Then the cracks in the puzzle fall through cracks in the ground

The blueprint escapes waiting to be found

Lost in the abyss, everyone forgets

and everything was forgotten ever since

Lost in September, gone by December

Reignited in March, in June we remember

A grid on the stars and a grid on my face

A grid on this paper, what is this place?

I question the mark, I question the skies

I question a question, for all is disguised

With my new lenses I reach spiral stairs

I climb to the top, the puzzle is there

So I choose a door, through it I crawl

Only to find myself sitting on a wall.”

-Jae A

It was music to my ears and food for my soul. I’ve been starving myself of the arts that make my soul come alive. I don’t want to do that anymore. Thanks for the reminder babe ❤

Love & Light,

The Awakened Momma

The importance of child-like joy

Things that bring me child-like joy:
🌾The smell of Lemongrass
💜The color purple (and teal)
😂Laughter (especially my children’s)
🎶Happy music (especially dancing my heart out to it)
🎙Singing my heart out (forever butthurt that I wasn’t born with singing voice though)
🌳Trees
🌌Looking at the sky
🏖The beach
🍽Picnics
🍉Good food
💗Kindness
💏Romance
📸Photography
🎨Good art in any form
💓Having a positive influence on my surroundings
👫👫Being around likeminded people.

When was the last time you stopped to think about the things that bring YOU child-like joy? The joy of a child is like the magical language of the universe yet there is such little emphasis placed on mastering this language in our society. Even I’m guilty of not implementing a lot of the things on this list into my daily routine. But why tho?!! Joy is freaking amazing!! Why are we holding back from experiencing more of it?!!
Making this list made me realize that putting off certain things for when I have “more time” is the biggest mistake I’m making. Are you making this same mistake too? I challenge you… Write a list of some of the things that bring you child-like joy, then make it your goal to incorporate as many of those things into your life on a consistent basis as possible. Do this, and watch the magic of the universe unfold before your eyes 💗💗💗

Addicted to Distractions? NO MORE!

I’ve never appreciated my existence as much as I do now,
I’ve never meditated as deeply as I can now,
I’ve never hugged my loved ones as tightly as I do now
I’ve never been as free as I am NOW.

And all this due to a decision I made 22 days ago.

Celebrate good times, come on!

It’s my blogiversary!!! A year ago today, after the kiddo went to bed, I sat down and wrote this. I was pretty desperate for change, for progress. Life was overwhelming me, suffocating me little by little everyday (that sounds really dramatic). It wasn’t THAT bad, but in the midst of it I knew that I was not living life to the fullest.

Fast forward a year and I’m very grateful for the divine energies that encouraged me to sit down and write that night. Even though this blog is severely neglected, it has definitely been fulfilling it’s purpose of helping me heal. It’s almost as if I was tied by anchors and thrown under water before; now every time I bare my soul on here its like loosening another anchor and swimming closer and closer to the surface.

I’m at a point now where I feel like the constant anxiety freezes that used to overcome me are becoming distant memories and my moods are constant and happy overall. I count my blessings everyday by keeping a “gratitude jar” and I’m working hard at tossing old habits and thought patterns that no longer serve me. I’ve found healing in so many places, people, and resources and I do hope to write all about it one day. I have many unfinished blog posts but everything will happen in divine time.

I wish I was cool enough to host a giveaway to celebrate my blogiversary, but alas I’m only mildly cool so 20 random facts about me will have to suffice. 😉

1) I’m an introvert.
2) Loving myself has been one of my biggest challenges but I have a much better handle on it lately. I rock. 
3) I’ve been married to my high school sweet heart for five years (celebrated last week!) and I’m still crazy in love with him. He rocks. 
4) I’m convinced I learn more from my little than he does from me. He super rocks. 
5) I never wanna cut his hair! You can’t make me 😝
6)) Growing up I wanted to be a ballerina, dentist, lawyer, psychologist, massage therapist, teacher. In that order. 
7) I decided to become a photographer when searching for a birth photographer and weeping over how amazing the images I encountered were. My soul was moved!
8) I change my mind weekly about wanting more kids. 
9) I have a huge bucket list. 
10) I move a lot. Probably over 2 dozen times since I was little. 
11) My sweet tooth is a monster. Her name is Grumbelina. 
12) I’m getting tired of saying “I”
13) Laughing (obnoxiously) is my favorite. 
14) I’m not afraid to dream big. I wanna be great. 
15) I suffer from severe hangry-ness. I could have my own snickers commercial lol. 
16) I still remember reading the first Harry Potter book, I don’t think I left my room for two days. 
17) This list is getting random. I love lamp
18) I can have a full conversation with just movie and tv references. If you think that’s hard…that’s what she said. 
19) I dislike small talk but I love deep and meaningful conversations. 
20) I thought this list would never end. 

So that’s a bit about me. If you read that, thank you! This post has been a bit rushed so forgive any errors, I will come back and edit it. Just wanted to post it in time to commemorate the fact that a year has passed and life has indeed gotten better!

Love, light, & blessings,

The Awakened Momma

The Present: Part 2

Thank you for coming back to read the second part of The Present! Here’s part one in case you missed it.

I’ve been battling my addiction ever since I admitted it here and it’s been (and continues to be) a heck of a journey. I win some I lose some, but last night definitely felt like winning game one of the World Series.

I started my morning with stress pouring out of my pores. I decided to make the best of things and took the kiddo to a playdate. On the way there I listened to this…

Today, I will find my soul in the here and now. I will release all ghosts/pains from my past so I may vanquish all ills. I will no longer hold onto pain until it becomes anger. I will no longer hold on to pleasure before it becomes an addiction. Past and future are only the dreams of who I was or what I might become. The present moment is the only meeting place of where you will find your soul.

-Deepak Chopra’s Soul of  Healing  Affirmations

The playdate was a success for both Mommy and Baby. When I got home my stress greeted me at the door. It climbed on my back and demanded a piggy back ride up the stairs. My usual response to this is to hold on to the load all day long while spending every possible moment distracting myself from the overwhelming stress-induced anxiety I am feeling; instead I decided to fully throw myself in a productive task.

And that’s when the magic began!

I slowly started unloading the stress. As if every second that passed a grain of rice kept falling out of a heavy barrel I bared on my shoulders. Somewhere along the way I reached a place where I didn’t feel the need to escape. The weight of the barrel was no longer overwhelming. When the end of the night came I looked at my barrel and was astonished to find it completely empty. I was so tuned in to my day that I didn’t even realize I hadn’t thought about my previous source of anxiety all night. I went through my whole day and I showed up for it! I was present!

“So what?” Right? Well as an outsider you are probably saying ” I do that everyday. Want a cookie?!” But really this is my deepest, darkest struggle. I have lost countless hours, days, weeks, even months to my addiction to distractions. It haunts me everyday, and yet I’ve continued to let it have power over me.

But yesterday was different.

Yesterday was an ordinary day made extraordinary by being fully in the present. I’m holding back tears as I’m writing this. There were dark and desperate days when I doubted this day would ever come. A day when I could transform my fears and anxiety into joy and peace, all. on. my. own. No distractions necessary. This small but sweet victory has been a long time coming and was just what I needed. My intentions are finally starting to manifest and it truly feels magical.

I wish I would’ve blogged more during the journey so you could know the bits and pieces that collaborated together to lead me to this point. I’ll try my very hardest to blog about it retrospectively but I’m not making any promises ;-P. I’m not a good multitasker so I’m either living or blogging, can’t do both.

Now I’m off to show up for my day today, but not before I thank you again for taking the time to support me by reading this. I’m grateful for you!

Make it a magical one

Love & Light,
The Awakened Momma

The Present: Part 1

There’s a song in my heart today! As I commenced my peanut-butter-sandwich-making and coffee-drinking morning ritual, I uncharacteristically began to belt out a song (I’m usually a zombie of very few words in the mornings).

“Time keeps on slippin’
Into the future
Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’
Into the future
So I wanna fly like an eagle to the sea
Fly like an eagle, let the spirit carry me
I wanna fly
Fly right into the future
I wanna feed the babies, that can’t get enough to eat
I wanna shoe the children, with no shoes on their feet
I wanna house the people, livin’ in the street
Oh yeah, there’s a solution
I wanna fly like an eagle to the sea
Fly like an eagle, let that spirit carry me
I wanna fly, oh yeah
Fly right into the future”

After the third time of sounding like a broken record (because that’s all I remember of the song), the significance of the words coming out of my mouth made a crash landing in my brain and almost knocked me over.