Celebrate good times, come on!

It’s my blogiversary!!! A year ago today, after the kiddo went to bed, I sat down and wrote this. I was pretty desperate for change, for progress. Life was overwhelming me, suffocating me little by little everyday (that sounds really dramatic). It wasn’t THAT bad, but in the midst of it I knew that I was not living life to the fullest.

Fast forward a year and I’m very grateful for the divine energies that encouraged me to sit down and write that night. Even though this blog is severely neglected, it has definitely been fulfilling it’s purpose of helping me heal. It’s almost as if I was tied by anchors and thrown under water before; now every time I bare my soul on here its like loosening another anchor and swimming closer and closer to the surface.

I’m at a point now where I feel like the constant anxiety freezes that used to overcome me are becoming distant memories and my moods are constant and happy overall. I count my blessings everyday by keeping a “gratitude jar” and I’m working hard at tossing old habits and thought patterns that no longer serve me. I’ve found healing in so many places, people, and resources and I do hope to write all about it one day. I have many unfinished blog posts but everything will happen in divine time.

I wish I was cool enough to host a giveaway to celebrate my blogiversary, but alas I’m only mildly cool so 20 random facts about me will have to suffice. 😉

1) I’m an introvert.
2) Loving myself has been one of my biggest challenges but I have a much better handle on it lately. I rock. 
3) I’ve been married to my high school sweet heart for five years (celebrated last week!) and I’m still crazy in love with him. He rocks. 
4) I’m convinced I learn more from my little than he does from me. He super rocks. 
5) I never wanna cut his hair! You can’t make me 😝
6)) Growing up I wanted to be a ballerina, dentist, lawyer, psychologist, massage therapist, teacher. In that order. 
7) I decided to become a photographer when searching for a birth photographer and weeping over how amazing the images I encountered were. My soul was moved!
8) I change my mind weekly about wanting more kids. 
9) I have a huge bucket list. 
10) I move a lot. Probably over 2 dozen times since I was little. 
11) My sweet tooth is a monster. Her name is Grumbelina. 
12) I’m getting tired of saying “I”
13) Laughing (obnoxiously) is my favorite. 
14) I’m not afraid to dream big. I wanna be great. 
15) I suffer from severe hangry-ness. I could have my own snickers commercial lol. 
16) I still remember reading the first Harry Potter book, I don’t think I left my room for two days. 
17) This list is getting random. I love lamp
18) I can have a full conversation with just movie and tv references. If you think that’s hard…that’s what she said. 
19) I dislike small talk but I love deep and meaningful conversations. 
20) I thought this list would never end. 

So that’s a bit about me. If you read that, thank you! This post has been a bit rushed so forgive any errors, I will come back and edit it. Just wanted to post it in time to commemorate the fact that a year has passed and life has indeed gotten better!

Love, light, & blessings,

The Awakened Momma

The Present: Part 2

Thank you for coming back to read the second part of The Present! Here’s part one in case you missed it.

I’ve been battling my addiction ever since I admitted it here and it’s been (and continues to be) a heck of a journey. I win some I lose some, but last night definitely felt like winning game one of the World Series.

I started my morning with stress pouring out of my pores. I decided to make the best of things and took the kiddo to a playdate. On the way there I listened to this…

Today, I will find my soul in the here and now. I will release all ghosts/pains from my past so I may vanquish all ills. I will no longer hold onto pain until it becomes anger. I will no longer hold on to pleasure before it becomes an addiction. Past and future are only the dreams of who I was or what I might become. The present moment is the only meeting place of where you will find your soul.

-Deepak Chopra’s Soul of  Healing  Affirmations

The playdate was a success for both Mommy and Baby. When I got home my stress greeted me at the door. It climbed on my back and demanded a piggy back ride up the stairs. My usual response to this is to hold on to the load all day long while spending every possible moment distracting myself from the overwhelming stress-induced anxiety I am feeling; instead I decided to fully throw myself in a productive task.

And that’s when the magic began!

I slowly started unloading the stress. As if every second that passed a grain of rice kept falling out of a heavy barrel I bared on my shoulders. Somewhere along the way I reached a place where I didn’t feel the need to escape. The weight of the barrel was no longer overwhelming. When the end of the night came I looked at my barrel and was astonished to find it completely empty. I was so tuned in to my day that I didn’t even realize I hadn’t thought about my previous source of anxiety all night. I went through my whole day and I showed up for it! I was present!

“So what?” Right? Well as an outsider you are probably saying ” I do that everyday. Want a cookie?!” But really this is my deepest, darkest struggle. I have lost countless hours, days, weeks, even months to my addiction to distractions. It haunts me everyday, and yet I’ve continued to let it have power over me.

But yesterday was different.

Yesterday was an ordinary day made extraordinary by being fully in the present. I’m holding back tears as I’m writing this. There were dark and desperate days when I doubted this day would ever come. A day when I could transform my fears and anxiety into joy and peace, all. on. my. own. No distractions necessary. This small but sweet victory has been a long time coming and was just what I needed. My intentions are finally starting to manifest and it truly feels magical.

I wish I would’ve blogged more during the journey so you could know the bits and pieces that collaborated together to lead me to this point. I’ll try my very hardest to blog about it retrospectively but I’m not making any promises ;-P. I’m not a good multitasker so I’m either living or blogging, can’t do both.

Now I’m off to show up for my day today, but not before I thank you again for taking the time to support me by reading this. I’m grateful for you!

Make it a magical one

Love & Light,
The Awakened Momma

Candy-Coated Fear

This is the element of freedom…

Being human sometimes feels a lot like a hugely elaborated video game puzzle where the main character has no freaking clue that they’re in a game. You don’t see the helpful hints or the extra lives that are flashing on the screen, all you know is that you are on a mission and there are many challenges ahead. At least that’s what my life felt like lately and quite frankly I’m done with it…

The Freedom Within

I’m frozen … I talked about it in my previous post about anxiety and its what’s been keeping me away from the blog. I have so many things I want to write about but nothing breaks through the layer of ice keeping me in a mindless limbo. In an attempt to revitalize my mind I have been rereading things I have written during moments of bliss. I ran across this poem and found it perfect. It sparked a little light in me, may it spark a little light in you too…

Physical Changes: To Paleo or Not to Paleo?

Ever had a situation where you were continuously doing something while ignoring ALL of the signs that are yelling at you “NO!”, “don’t do it”, “turn around”, “put the cookie down!?” Some people may call this stubbornness, I’ll call it “I’ve-been-driving-in-the-wrong-direction-for-so-long-I’m-afraid-to-get-smashed-by-incoming-cars-if-I attempt-a-U-Turn syndrome” (should I abbreviate that? IBDITWDFSLIIATGSBICIIAAUT syndrome, maybe not…). well that basically sums up my relationship with food at the moment. 

Affirmations: The Unharnessed Power of Words

Words, words, words. We speak thousands of words a day but how much consciousness actually goes into those words? And how many of those thousands are really serving us? Do you often find yourself saying things like “I feel awful”, “this sucks”, “this is too hard!” Or some people’s personal favorite: “life is a bitch!” (Oh yeah, I went there). I’m not pointing a finger though, I’m right there with you. When life gets challenging I break out my DAG (Doom and Gloom) vocabulary.

Addicted to Distractions?

This is going to hurt…

Another day gone, wasted away pointlessly browsing the web, obsessively checking my email, and letting my mind run on auto pilot all day. I understand the word addiction is a strong one, but I assure you it’s the right word.

Typing this is painful. The shame and guilt that go along with the word addiction feel strong enough to swallow me whole.