Despite it being an abnormally chilly weekend in the sunshine state, I’m finally defrosting! The feelings of self-doubt and overwhelming anxiety are thawing away thanks to a wonderful Saturday with my boys and a Sunday morning watching Super Soul Sunday on OWN (which is my equivalent of going to church). I’m still overwhelmed, but now it’s with a feeling of love and gratitude.
How blessed am I to have a healthy son whose eyes shine brighter than the sun when he looks at me?
How blessed am I to have an amazing husband who loves me and is not afraid to tell me so?
How blessed am I that I found my soulmate early on in life, so that my experience on this earth is magnified because I get to share it with him daily?
How blessed am I that here are people who care about what I have to say? (You reading this blog, and the friends and family that stick by my side)
How blessed am I to be here and now?
How blessed am I to be alive?
The answer is, I am infinitely blessed (and so are you!).
I’ve spent the past few weeks beating myself up, feeling like a failure, and then beating myself up some more for not doing anything about it, and then my soulmate gave me the most beautiful gift: he listened to me and then he replied from his soul.
He told me to observe nature. In nature, winter doesn’t instantly become summer and night doesn’t instantly become day. In nature there are moments of transitions (spring and fall, dusk and dawn…) and as observers we view those moments as breathtaking and transcendental.
Then he asked me to observe myself. I am a part of nature, I follow the patterns of cycles and transitions the same as nature. Why then, do I not allow myself the same patience that I have with nature? Why can’t I enjoy my beautiful sunsets and sunrises and even my rain showers? Why do I hold these unrealistic expectations of myself to become a master overnight and then label myself a failure when it doesn’t happen? In reality there are a lot of reasons why I do it, but none of them matter. The point is to realize that it is what I’ve been doing and just simply stop… At the end of the conversation we closed our eyes and breathed together.
Didn’t I tell you I was blessed? That man, he fits so perfectly in my heart! I strongly believe we were put on this Earth to find and love each other. He helps me love myself more deeply and places no conditions on his love for me. He loves me when I don’t love myself. Whether I had a good day or a bad day, whether I finished my to do list or not, whether I got glammed up or didn’t even make it out of my pajamas… Doesn’t matter to him. I love that man…
Ok sorry (not really) for the mushiness but I just had to put that out there for the world to know. After all this is my mountaintop and I just climbed it and yelled at the top of my lungs followed by a dorky happy dance to proclaim my love for the man of my life. Hope you still want to read my blog now that you know how corny I am ;).
I hope you all had an amazing weekend with the ones you love ❤ ❤ ❤
Love & Light,
The Awakened Momma